everything doesn’t happen for a reason

Posted on Posted in blog

Everything Happens for A Reason.

That message is bullshit. Complete and utter toxic bullshit that is way too prevalent these days.

It is a lie.

A lie being told and sold by high profile guru’s of the New Age and Self Improvement movements.

It’s a lie that destroys hope; tearing apart ‘victims’ instead of helping build them up into survivors.

Everything happens for a reason and a purpose, and it serves you.”

Anthony Robbins

Bad, awful, horrible things happen to people every fucking day for no good reason. Period.

I wasn’t raped for a ‘reason’.

My blood boils when I think of all the ‘victims’ of sexual assaults being told that because it does nothing but to re-victimize people again and again; sometimes by the very people whose support we need most.

My being raped happened because of a million little reasons that boil down to:

  1. i lost my voice
  2. it may not have mattered anyway
  3. someone chose to see me as an object instead of a person
  4. for whatever reason i felt completely unsafe to do anything other than freeze in an effort to protect myself

It did NOT happen for some bigger cosmic reason aligned with my higher purpose chosen by (either) my soul or the Divine prior to my birth as part of my personal evolution during this lifetime.

I did not choose to be raped.

What I did choose (and what I will continue to choose) is to use my healing as a personal growth opportunity to reach farther away from victimhood and more fully into my own confidence, power, and voice than ever before.

I choose to grow as I heal.

Hence, the tagline for my site currently being ‘…finding my voice.’

That may change. It may not. What will not change is my choosing, moment by moment, as best as I’m able, to fight for myself and my healing.

I will continue to offer myself grace when I collapse and cry for ‘no reason’. I will continue to acknowledge how very fucking brave I am. I will continue to trust I can do this, even in the moments when I might (again) feel like giving up.

Not because I naively feel that being sexually assaulted happened for a reason. No.


Because sometimes bad, awful shit happens and I can’t always control that but I can control how I choose to respond, how I frame things in my own mind, how I decide to use the experience internally as I make my way in this world.

Thank you.


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